The Surgeon Formerly Known as Shepherd
by LiveLoveLikeMe
Summary: Addison comes to terms with the loss of Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd. 1/1?


Disclaimer: I don't own any background information from Grey's Anatomy or the character Addison Mongomery. Trust me, if I did, we'd be married by now living a completely McFabulous life.

Author's Notes: Well, I've never written Grey's Anatomy before, but for some reason when I got stuck on my novel, I just started writing this. Not entirely sure where the idea came from, aside from my new fascination with Kate Walsh (I mean, she's gorgoeous, talented, and hilarious- what's not to love?). I considered continuing this, but I'm not sure. I kind of like it as a one-shot, but I'd love to hear what you all think! I hope I did her justice.

For those who may have noticed my misspelling of Shepherd, sorry about that! All fixed.

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><p>Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd, soon to be just Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery, had to remind herself of this change as she walked down the halls to the Lawyer's office. This was it; the end to everything she'd been desperately trying to salvage. Her heartbeat raced in her chest, the sound booming in her head as she neared the large oak doors.<p>

She didn't know what was making her so nervous, after all, they had both screwed up in the end; her with Mark, and Derek with Meredith. They certainly weren't here to play the blame game any longer, times for that had long passed. Now, Addison simply had to sign the papers and she could say farewell to Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd forever. She could walk out of the room and leave Derek behind her. Well, actually, just until work the next day.

With a final sigh, and many internal conflicts being pushed aside until later, Addison pushed her way through the towering oak doors and into the office of the overpaid, seemingly unnecessary lawyer.

"Hello, Addison," Derek said calmly as she walked through the doors. She'd been fearful, after her little confession about living with Mark, that Derek would be irrational when it came to this. While his good spirits only served to dampen hers a little more, Derek wasn't going out of his way to make her even more miserable. He still didn't exactly know the entire story of what had happened after he left, and for that Addison was relieved.

"Hi, Derek," she spoke as she cleared her throat, turning to face the man who had the papers to end the last third of her life.

Formalities aside, it was time to begin; she couldn't bear to be Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd any longer. Derek had Meredith, and she wanted to let him go be happy with the woman she, try as she might, just couldn't seem to hate.

"Okay, Mr. Shepherd, I'll need you to sign right here," the gruffly lawyer spoke, signaling to a highlighted space on the page before showing Addison where hers was located at.

"This is it," Addison lamented, pen in hand.

"Yes, it is," Derek added, seemingly trying to keep the chipper mood from his voice for her sake.

"That's good, right?" Addison asked, now looking to Derek for one final time. She knew there was no way they could ever stay together, her love for him had already faded enough, and vice versa. The quiver that could be heard in her voice was merely there for the memories they were both signing away, and she was sure Derek knew that.

"It is good," he assured her, moving to sign the paper before glancing at Addison and exiting the room. Now she was alone with the lawyer, having not yet found the courage to sign those fatal papers quite yet.

"I should just do it, right? Like ripping off a Band-Aid," Addison nervously spoke to the lawyer, not wanting any sort of answer, but just time. She put on her glasses slowly in attempt to read the lines of the page more thoroughly, as if seeing them better would change what they really read. Taking a deep breath, Addison moved the pen like she would a scalpel, and prepared for her incision across the paper to mark her signature. The sound of the ink drying suddenly seemed volumes louder to her ears as she burned "Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd" into the paper for one final time.

Then, seeing it all finished, she laughed. It was a dry laugh, echoing off the walls almost painfully, but a laugh nonetheless. The dreaded event was over; she'd successfully ripped the Band-Aid off and could finally get on with her life as Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery. This was a good thing, and she would tell herself that repeatedly until it finally began to make sense.

She didn't say anything, just nodded to the lawyer and followed Derek's path out of the room. Addison pulled out her iPhone and typed one simple message that she knew was absolutely necessary to say. "Signed them." Send.

Now Derek would know for sure that he was no longer a married man. He could go find Meredith and tell her of his great love, they could live together, and they could start the family Addison had always imagined having with Derek. She wasn't jealous of Meredith for getting what she'd always wanted, though; Derek no longer was the person she desired to build those things with. They'd hurt each other, tried to fix things, and failed; it was time to whole-heartedly accept that.

The problem, Addison realized as she exited the lawyer's office building, was that she didn't have anyone else to do those things with now. For that, she was a little jealous of Derek; at least he had Meredith to love. Addison didn't know what she'd do, not now that she was alone. There was a choice to be made, and a damn hard one at that. Addison could go back to work at Seattle Grace Hospital where she was recognized for her top-notch neonatal work and where several of her sort-of friends worked. She could keep on walking those same halls she'd been down over and over as she tried to mend her marriage to Derek and try to pretend the sight of him sneaking in kisses with Meredith when he didn't think she was looking didn't bother her at all. Addison could just continue with life in the rainy city and try to ignore all the overbearing drama between doctors that seemed to constantly worsen by the day.

Her other option, however, was to leave. She'd been considering the idea in the back of her mind for a few days, but until now it hadn't seemed possible. It was the prospect of walking back to an empty hotel room and a memory filled hospital, though, that made Addison truly consider the idea. It was a nice concept; one that she could easily see herself getting used to. The problem that really only remained was where she would possibly go.

Staying in Seattle just didn't seem a plausible option anymore, and heading back to New York City wasn't much better. She liked the fact that she still had the brownstone back there, but the memories of it that would surely flood her upon entering weren't very tempting. Now walking along the pier, Addison realized she was being given the chance to start all over with her life. She could go somewhere new where nobody knew her; where she wasn't thought of as the She-Sheppard or anything even involving Mark and Derek. She could go to a place where Meredith Grey wouldn't have everything she'd been trying to fix, but failed at. She could go somewhere that consisted of people who only knew her as Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery. The prospect of such a place, if it existed, sounded quite nice.

She realized that, in her walking, she had somehow managed to get to the end of the pier where the lookout machines were places. Addison had come to this place with Derek after first showing up in Seattle, when she so naïvely thought her marriage could be fixed. The place looked exactly the same, yet this time it felt different. It was no longer somewhere new to be, but only a place she once was with someone she once knew.

Reaching for her left hand, Addison removed her once treasured wedding rings and rolled them between her fingers. They suddenly seemed much weightier than they had when she used to hold them, as if the burden was now too much to bear. Looking closely at them, Addison realized the rings were really just another memory that she didn't want. If she really was going to start over somewhere, then it had to be completely without the little reminders like Derek's ring.

With as much force as she could muster, Addison whipped the rings from the end of the pier into the cold Pacific water. She ripped off the Band-Aid, exposing just a little more of herself to the world. For the first time that day, Addison finally allowed her pained tears to fall. It was really over. She was standing, in public, finally coming to the dreadful realization that should have hit her much sooner. There was no more Derek, no more memories, and now there had to be no more Seattle.

Addison allowed herself to cry for a while longer, several of her salty tears mixing with those of the ocean. Then, true to Seattle's nature, the clouds began to cry along with her, leaving Addison still perched at the end, her tears mingling with the raindrops that now covered her face. People fled from their places on the pier around her, but Addison remained motionless—aside from the sobs that continued to wrack her body with their tremendous force.

The world seemed to move in a twitter-pated pace as Addison simply let the rain soak through her clothes and hair. There was no use trying to look nice for anyone. In her moments of silent lament, Addison began to recall the night Derek had left New York, and how it had been raining much like this. Those raindrops had felt cold and piercing against her skin, but these seemed to only serve to comfort her further.

She would leave Seattle, first thing in the morning. A vacation would serve as a nice break while she searched for another city to go. Addison thought for a moment, still seemingly accepting of the rain, and thought about where she could go for the next month or so to get away. She'd always wanted to see Europe.

Addison sniffled loudly against the sound of the beating rain, not caring how unattractive it may have made her look to any lingering passersby. The crying, while most likely completely needed to give her mind release, had caught Addison off guard. As the sobs and tears slowed down, Addison began to realize the fact that she was still standing alone in the pouring Seattle rain.

While her heart longed to stay for a while, to reminisce about the memories she was about to leave behind, Addison's head told her she should make way back to her hotel before the chill from the rain made its way into her bones and gave her one heck of a cold. Being a woman of medicine, she trusted in her brain a little better in the current situation.

Still, Addison wasn't quite ready to succumb to leaving completely yet, so she opted to walk back to the hotel and spend a little more time immersed in Seattle. She looked around as she walked, taking in one final glimpse of the city she'd grown to rather like. Addison soon realized that no matter how many familiar sights of buildings she saw, none of them held the closure she truly needed—Seattle Grace.

It was her home for the past several months, and she was still distant to the idea of giving it all up. However, Addison knew herself enough to know that if she went there, it would be quite difficult to pull away and leave again. Instead, she turned sharply into her hotel after about a ten minute walk and headed into the elevator, not even caring as she dripped a trail of Seattle rain onto the floor.

Inside the elevator, Addison caught a glimpse of herself reflected in the metallic doors. Her eye makeup was smudged all down her face, she was shivering and pale, and her hair was matted in clumps to the sides of her face. Addison, once more, laughed at the sight before her. A man occupied the other side of the elevator, looking at her as if she'd gone mad. And truthfully, Addison began to think she really had gone mad.

The doors dinged open and she sniffled loudly again, continuing her corky laugh all down the hallway to her room. Once inside, Addison remained in her soaked clothes long enough to make one final phone call, knowing perfectly well it might not get made if she put it off.

"Hello, Richard?" she croaked, surprised when her voice came out so weak. Addison simply brushed it off as a result of the rainy tears.

"It's Addison. Look, this is hard for me to say, but I've decided to leave Seattle Grace," Addison added. She paced back and forth in her hotel room, sighing as the older man and dear old friend tried to change her mind and convince her to stay. Staying just wasn't going to be an option this time; not for Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery.

"No, I understand that… Look, Richard I just need to… I need to get away for a while." She sighed. "Coming back doesn't really seem like an option, but if you really want to hold my spot for a while I won't stop you."

Addison hung up. The Chief was giving her a month to go collect herself before he asked her to reconsider her decision, and there wasn't time to waste. She didn't see how coming back to Seattle Grace could ever work, or even if it ever would, but Addison just needed to get away for the moment and worry about that later on.

Walking into the bathroom, Addison finally stripped from her drenched clothes and shivered into a warm shower. She let the water just wash over her and the steam fill her air, her red hair slowly untangling down her back. With her thoughts in mind for the next month, Addison washed Addison Adrianne Forbes Montgomery Shepherd down the drain for one final time. It was time for Dr. Montgomery to step up.


End file.
